Jeff Goldblum and Harry Shearer in The Right Stuff (dir. Philip Kaufman, 1983)

"No one wants to see curvy women. You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying thin models are ugly."

I’ve had this in my head since first hearing this quote and I’m just drunk enough to go through with it.

I present to you FAT KARL LAGERFELD who was once so ashamed of his fat neck that he resorted to carrying that ridiculous fan to cover it up.

Fuck this asshole and all that he represents. And the horse they rode in on. And the whole cavalry behind them.

TORONTO

(Or as we say in Detroit, “Turahno.”)

Anyone have any must-do or mustn’t miss attractions/bars/restaurants/tractor pulls/synagogues/free clinics/drive through beer stores/etc? I’ll be there for one night only.

Harry Shearer and Chuck Yeager in The Right Stuff (dir. Philip Kaufman, 1983)

Aboard the Tiny Bubbles, somewhere in Lake Michigan, 2002.

Aboard the Tiny Bubbles, somewhere in Lake Michigan, 2002.

Tags: tbt

Drifted off suddenly into a deep sleep just now and dreamed Joe Louis came out of retirement (and presumably back from the dead) and I got to watch him fight.

Two Quarters

I’ve got this little boy that currently worships me far more than I could ever deserve and he’s looking forward to our first real fishing trip next month and he otherwise can’t keep himself out of the pool and he’s kicking around this summer with a deep tan playing baseball and building Legos and staying up until midnight reading books under a ceiling fan and he reminds me a great deal of me at eight years old.

We didn’t have a pool but the community recreation center did and when the backyard sprinkler wasn’t cutting it my dad would give us the dollar admission fee and we’d walk over there with towels around our necks and on dangerously hot days he’d give us a lift. I was scared of the deep end and the shallow end was usually crowded with toddlers but there was a small area between the two that was five feet deep and I did most of my swimming there. Entire summer afternoons disappeared as I became Captain Nemo exploring the ocean floor outside the Nautilus or an Olympian training for the world’s first solo crawl stroke global circumnavigation, following Magellan’s route, the record of which would forever be enshrined in every future Guinness book.

One day while waiting for my brother to get his suit on I stole two quarters from the pewter stein atop my dad’s dresser where he tossed his pocket change every day after work. I wanted some Twizzlers from the candy machine. Just as we were headed out the door Dad said he’d give us a ride and I panicked. My swimsuit didn’t have pockets and I didn’t have shoes to stash the money in so I tucked it between my teeth and my cheek and prayed I wouldn’t have to say anything.

The pool was about a mile away and the entire drive I was terrified we were going to get in an accident and I was going to choke on that money and die. I would deserve it, too, for being a thief. I bought the Twizzlers. I didn’t enjoy them. They couldn’t get the taste of metallic poison out of my mouth.

Lord, I wonder what’s has got the matter
Wit’ time, you know, wit’ time
It seems like the hours
Oh, everything done changed
But I hold up my hand
I’m just tryin’ t’make her understand
Lord, you know, everybody tells Little Junior
That somebody done hoodooed the hoodoo man

Junior Wells in 1966

Women, be wise…

Sippie Wallace in 1966

Well, another night to cry
Baby, just cryin’ over you
Well, I’ve got another night to cry
Another night to cry over you
You hurt me so bad and so long
And there’s nothing I can do

Lonnie Johnson in 1963

Well, I’m so tired I could cry, I could just lay down and die
Oh, I’m so tired I could cry, I could just lay down and die
Yes, you know you my only darling, you know you’re my desire

Otis Rush in 1966

When I first saw this episode of The Outer Limits (season 1, episode 24, The Mutant) it creeped me out FOR DAYS! Those giant fucking eyeballs haunted my every waking moment, to say nothing of my dreams. I finally resorted to cognitive behavioral therapy. I mentally turned the eyes into giant baseballs and eventually got over it.

Sometimes on my lunch break I’ll put my feet up on my workbench, not because this is a particularly comfortable way to sit but because I find it soothing to look at my shiniest pair of boots. Ahhhhhh.

Sometimes on my lunch break I’ll put my feet up on my workbench, not because this is a particularly comfortable way to sit but because I find it soothing to look at my shiniest pair of boots. Ahhhhhh.

Yes, I left my dear old mother, dear old mother
I left my honor, need a crime, oh Lord
Take care of my child
Take care, take care of my child

John Lee Hooker in 1965

If you got a weak brain and a narrow mind
The world gonna leave you way behind
Your friends will deceive you, leave you cryin’
Can’t keep yours ‘cause you are watchin’ mine

Willie Dixon in 1964